Last week, my son broke our salt shaker. No big. It was a set I bought for $5 next to check out table at a decorating store I loved in Baton Rouge. They had silver fleur de is on the fronts — really cute. I’ve had them for at least ten years.
So, I’m shopping for a new set. I’ve only browsed online and I can tell you this: everything is something you’d see on the Starship Enterprise, a farm, animals, or one so bad that it took a left at tacky and went straight to the Goodwill reject bin. Oh, and the Mariah Carey Collection (not a real collection).
Firstly, the space-inspired:
Houston, this is a problem. Titanium! Looks like the Aurora Borealis.Electric Gravity! Pretty sure that was a Moby song back in the day. Thought this was a Bluetooth Pill speaker. You cannot tell me these are not water bottles. Why so…phallic?Sense Duo with Alpha Tray? What the hell? And $145! Does it cook for me? Because that would be worth $145. Alpha tray. Good Lawd.
And the country:
What in the Bambi hell?Someone’s Aunt Polly or a small Chinese child is painting these against their will. I’m offended with using “rustic” to describe these. I like semi-rustic. This is Cracker Barrel level.
The animals:
Just what?Teacup Chi-no. No. Howl no. Don’t even. What in Jaws hell? Why does he have a Captain’s hat? And a telescope? I’m so confused. Even if this were at a seafood restaurant If be confused.
The Mariah Carey Inspired Bling Collection:
CAN YOU SAY GLITTER? I’m sorry, CRUSHED DIAMONDS!When you feel like a little color. I don’t know what the pattern is going for, but it’s putting on the glitz. Hold on, stop the bus! Are those speakers from Elton John’s farewell tour or Mariah’s salt and pepper shakers? Because both of them like a sparkle.
Finally, I promised too bad for the Goodwill reject bin. I’m sorry you have to see this.
It’s the Elvira boob salt and pepper shakers that no one asked for. No one. Ok, three guys who live in their mom’s basements somewhere in Michigan.
And that’s your guide to salt and pepper shakers that no one needs. I haven’t found any that I like so far, so let me know if you come across pretty ones that do not resemble any of the above.
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