It’s my 45th birthday and in my birthday I post the things I know for sure. Some are fun, some are more serious and on the advice for life side. I’m not Oprah, but I have ideas.
Here’s to 45.
- Stroopwaffle is a funny word.
2. Airplane seats should fold up like movie theater seats. Serious, Boeing — free idea. Get on it.
3. TSA pat-downs aren’t the fun experience you would expect.
4. When a driver asks if you’d like music on, it will never be any type of music you’d ever pick in 42 million years.
5. Restaurants should never assume you want lemon.
6. Anklets are trashy.
When in doubt, eat the cheesecake.
8. Unless you live on a coast, you do not need a palm tree in your yard.
9. Say no to drugs. Unless it’s some drugs. I’m not naming which. You read this blog.
10. Full-service gas stations need to make a comeback. I’ve only been saying this for 25 years.
11. If your catamaran Captain doesn’t say “arrrr” like a pirate he’s not a real captain.
12. If a child calls a seagull a “seagle,” don’t correct them because it’s hysterical. My daughter did that forever.
13. If you can trick a person who says they don’t like seafood to eat calamari by saying it’s onion rings, do it. Don’t be afraid that they might hit you.
14. Call that person if they have a major life change. You will be glad you did and they will most likely be glad too.
15. We should all take better care of ourselves. Physical health and mental health.
16. Caffeine is good.
17. Learn things. Everyone can learn new things.
18. Watch documentaries. I watch probably two documentaries each week. That’s one way I learn things.
19. Do new things. Don’t get stuck. Stagnation is bad.
20. Ben Folds is the best musician working today. I may have said that last year. It’s on the list every year for good reason.
21. Collect something. I collect typewriters and watches. And pens and quotes and conversations.
22. Dairy is not the enemy. Red meat is not the enemy. Fat is not the enemy. Carbs are not the enemy. Find what works for your health.
23. Don’t be boring.
24. The best coffee creamer flavors are: Southern Butter Pecan, White Chocolate Mocha, Caramel Mocha, and Snickers. Peppermint Mocha, but only in winter.
25. Do the right thing. If you think you’re doing the wrong thing, I’m positive you need to evaluate your situation.
26. We all need to laugh more.
27. Have friends that make you laugh.
28. Have friends you can count on.
29. Have friends you can talk to about EVERYTHING.
30. Have a friend who will be honest with you and call you out on your bullshit.
31. You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do.
32. If you drink alcohol at all, have a signature drink. I have two: lemon drop martinis and frozen raspberry margaritas. I do not like drinks when I can taste the alcohol.
33. Don’t be afraid to dress however you want. Except if you think “your look” looks like “homeless chic.” I wear dresses almost everyday. People ask what I’m dressed up for. It’s because everyday is a special occasion. I’m not talking what I wear to the opera — everyday dresses.
34. It’s ok not to like things “everyone” else likes.
35. It’s ok to be the only person you know who likes something.
36. It’s ok to say no to people. You don’t have to have an excuse.
37. I am rewatching Suits. It’s one of the best shows on television.
38. People need to get over this “but the Little Mermaid can’t be black” shit. It’s a character. Plus, if you want to go back the original Hans Christian Andersen material, homegirl was green. Step off, beotches.
39. I still hate watermelon. To death.
40. It’s ok not to like your kids sometimes. You still love them. But you don’t have to like their attitudes and things they do. You are their parent, not their friend.
41. Every time I see a person on Facebook or Instagram say their young kid is their BFF I want to choke them. The person, not the kid. You child is your child. If your child is 30 — knock yourself out. I’m all for that.
42. Big Little Lies is a fantastic book and the HBO adaptation is phenomenal. And Adam Scott is the cutest.
43. Spend your birthday at the beach at least once.
44. Love your people hard.
45. Readers, I love you 3000.
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