2.77/365: for my friend Dana

My friend Dana is great. It’s impossible not to like her and she is superfantastic; for this reason, she is one of my best friends and favorite people. Which brings me to this post.

It’s Dana’s birthday next week and the thing is, she doesn’t need anything and she already has a $7000 lawn mower, so what could I possibly get her?

This:

They say great things come in small packages.

From Amazon:

Medium Pocket Knife with Universal Wrench

Being the biggest collector’s item, this knife has it all, and then some. Its credentials are large-scale and propel it into a class of its own. Composed of 118 parts, housing 82 functions, weighing in at 350 grams and at 65 mm wide, its versatility knows no limits. And the craftsmanship is top too: every Swiss Champ XAVT is manufactured in more than 500 meticulous steps and adeptly assembled by hand.

What can it do, you ask? Just look.

Why this particular item? Because Dana deserves 82 functions in one. What are those functions, you ask? Well, you just had to ask, didn’t you?

toothpick 
tweezers 
pressurized ballpoint pen 
pin, stainless steel 
alarm 
thermometer (°F) 
digital watch (12h) 
digital watch (24h) 
countdown 
timer 
altimeter (m) 
altimeter (feet) 
barometer 
thermometer (°C) 
reamer, punch and sewing awl 
can opener 
screwdriver 3 mm 
bottle opener 
wire stripper 
screwdriver 6 mm 
key ring 
universal wrench M3, M4, M5 
Phillips screwdriver 1/2 
magnifying glass 
pliers 
wire cutter 
wire crimping tool 
fish scaler 
ruler (inches) 
ruler (cm) 
hook disgorger 
nail file 
large blade with wavy edge 
reamer, punch 
wood saw 
scissors 
multipurpose hook 
screwdriver 2.5 mm 
pruning blade 
electrician’s blade 
wire scraper 
pharmaceutical spatula 
watch opener 
screwdriver 5 mm 
bottle opener 
can opener 
wire stripper 
nail file 
metal saw 
metal file 
nail cleaner 
chisel 4 mm 
large blade 
small blade 
bit slotted 3 
bit slotted 4 
bit Torx 6 
bit Torx 8 
bit Hex 1.2 
bit Hex 1.5 
bit Hex 2 
bit Hex 2,5 
bit case 
bit wrench 
female Hex drive 5 mm for D-SUB connectors 
female Hex drive 4 mm for bits 
LED 
bit slotted 4 
bit Phillips 2 
bit Phillips 0 (Pozidrive) 
bit Phillips 1 (Pozidrive) 
bit Torx 10 
bit Torx 15 
bit case 
bit wrench 
female Hex drive 5 mm for D-SUB connectors 
female Hex drive 4 mm for bits 
bit Hex 4 
bit Torx 8 
multipurpose hook 
mini screwdriver 
corkscrew

No, I don’t know what most of those are, BUT it has a corkscrew and bottle opener. And a “pharmaceutical spatula,” which I’m pretty sure is a nose candy spoon. You know what I’m talking about. Blow. Eight Ball. White Dragon. Mama Coca. Charlie. Snow White. Sherlock. Booger Sugar. Devil’s Dandruff. Now, I’m not saying Dana’s a coke addict, but she just sent me this photo and maybe it’s a coincidence, maybe not.

Plus, the Swiss Army Knife looks like a Transformer.

Happy birthday next week, Sounds of the Seventies.