Some of you know that I’m Nancy Drew. I have innate skills that make me a master detective and all around badass. As a graphic I have somewhere says, do not underestimate my ability to find shit out. That’s my Nancy Drew alter ego. Nancy Drew knows it all.
There is another part of being Nancy Drew. Nancy knows it all, but there are things she has no power over. Things she can’t control. We all have those things, don’t we? You do. What are the things you can’t talk about? What is the thing you only told one soul?
That one Ocean’s Eleven moment when Reuben says “Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I’ll never forget it.”
I have lots of those. But Reuben won’t forget, doesn’t want to forget. Nancy can’t forget, probably wants to forget. We all have those things we can’t unsee. A car crash. A naked relative. Ew.
Remember when I wrote about the five stages grief? Acceptance feels good. But there are still things. The Secret of the Missing Fucks is superfantastic. It’s better than acceptance. It beats acceptance by miles and miles. Damn. It’s freeing. And it’s very different from the years of depression I had in college when I could not mentally or emotionally or physically care about any damn thing. The Secret of the Missing Fucks is not depression. It’s after depression, after acceptance. It’s “you know, I choose not to care about that and I’m good with it.” The Secret of the Missing Fucks is freedom from something that had a hold on you. And that’s not being a bitch or being mean, it’s being a healthy person. Holding things in is what hurts.
You can only hurt for so long until you break. I’ve been broken several times (who hasn’t) and it nearly killed me. Quite literally. I went through the stages of grief. I was good. A few years ago I saw the meme TSOTMF and I laughed. I kept it as a photo on my phone for years. Now it’s practically a mantra.
But yeah, I still have one Ocean’s Eleven moment when Reuben says “look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I’ll never forget it.”
That’s not a bad thing.
And I’ll never forget it.
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