I’m in the waiting room of the surgery center where my mom is in surgery. They just brought her back. She’s wearing a blue hair cap. I’m keeping her purse company.
My mother was diagnosed with cancer a month ago and is surgery right now, so of course I’m writing. Hospitals are odd places. I’ve been in quite a few hospitals. They’re not as superfantastic as the ads would have you believe. That was joke. The good joke is that ads for mental illness are amazing with actors who clearly look like they’re ready to jump off a bridge, but once they’re on the medication, they’re walking on the beach or at a picnic with their families. Believe it or not, I am Bipolar II and I have walked on beaches.
When we walked in, there was this ATM machine where patients sign in. Yes, I know it’s not an actual ATM, but that’s exactly what it looks like. It even has a card reader swipy thingie. I guess that’s the new thing. Now we sign in on ATM machines and have robots in the OR. My last surgery was robot assisted. I hope any future surgery will be completely robot performed with drones giving the robot doctors scalpels, sponges, and suctioning. That is the goal.
After they brought my mom back, I walked around. It’s freezing in here and I didn’t bring a jacket because I obviously don’t understand temperature and that just looking at the high for the day doesn’t help when you have to be somewhere by 6:30 AM. There is a glass case displaying local high schools (that’s mine) and LSU for some reason. I don’t care. I have no feelings about any college. Not even the one I went to (except for the dorms. I loved being an R.A. in a couple of dorms). And now they’ve changed everything and knocked down some dorms to build brand new ones. It’s weird.
In the front of the surgery center there is a sign saying “coffee in vending,” so I went to the vending area where there was no coffee. Don’t lie about coffee. Ok, first of all, don’t lie. Second, don’t fucking lie to me about coffee. My blood is 80% coffee. I need coffee several times a day to live. I bought M&M’s, which I haven’t had in forever and a Coke that I can’t drink until it’s a little flat. I can’t do carbonation. Feel sorry for me.
When I walked back to the room with my mom there was one person in the waiting room. When I came back from not the lying vending area, it was half full. Apparently Valentine’s Day/Ash Wednesday is a popular day for surgery. Who knew? Also, rules clearly do not apply to me, You surgery center.
Thank American Baby Jesus for earbuds because look what was on the TV when. I came back. Freaking Dennis the Menace. I mean, good Lawd, people. Get it together and at least put on CNN. The Olympics. Even QVC. Damn. How can these people expect me not to riot? Can you riot with only one person? Is one person just a temper tantrum? Look into that for me, people.
I might post again later, but here’s your song for the day, “Hospital” by The Lemonheads.
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