20/365: I Ain’t Saying She a Gold Digger (because her mom and daddy have all the money and she won’t need one)

Kim and Kanye (you know their last names) had their third baby last week and “revealed” the baby girl’s name yesterday. Get ready. They named her Chicago. No middle name, but I have suggestions: Bulls, Bears, Cubs, Oprah, Magnificent Mile, Ferris, Wrigley, or Deep Dish. Gold Digger is obviously out because that baby is heir to a brazillion dollars in music and reality tv royalties (and sex tapes, but let’s keep this clean, ok?)

The announcement got me thinking, as I do. I’m hiring a surrogate. That’s right. I’m going right down to Rent-aWomb and get some chick to carry my baby. She will have to pass a screening first: do you drink, do drugs, on a scale of 1-10 how amazing is Ben Folds? If she listens to country music, she’s out.

I’ve made a list of possible names for my surrogate baby. I’ve been inspired by Kimye. And the good news is they all sound great with my last name.

  • Shreveport
  • Ark-LaTex
  • Greater Houston Area
  • Claiborne Street
  • 318-865-0654
  • Monjuni’s
  • Pothole

I’m sure you’ll agree those are perfect names. Kimye would too.

Today’s song is “Good Life” by Kanye featuring my boy T-Pain. Great song.

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