Yesterday my nail lady glued my fake nail to my skin. I separtated it and it hurts. It hurts to type. Do you see how dedicated a blogger I am, people?
Is it weird that my cookie jar is a big wooden pear? It's not kitchy, it's just a big wooden pear.
One of my friends told me to look up her sister-in-law's facebook page, so I did. Her only two listed interests are: Dollar General and I Love My Husband. If I ever post that one of my interests is a discount store, please consider that a cry for help.
So, I just called my husband at work to vent about the suckage that this day is and when I do that, I pretty much start bringing up things for no reason because I've gone off the deep end. I lose track of what I'm saying when I'm ranting. I ended the coverstation with "…AND REGIS IS QUITTING! NOT THAT I WATCH THAT SHOW ANYMORE, BUT STILL!" No topic is safe with me.
I broke my favorite coffee mug this morning. It was a white Starbucks mug, green on the inside, and held approximately 20 oz of coffee. It was the perfect mug. AND REGIS IS QUITTING!
Do you ever have a bad hair day? When you have a bad hair day does it look like when Whitney Houston was on a crack is whack-capade? That's what mine looks like right now. Like when Annie was still in the orphanage. Like when Diana Ross continued singing in the thunderstorm back in the day. Like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard Oz before the makeover.
I scored 100% on Pioneer Woman's St. Elmo's Fire quiz this morning. I'm going to put that on my resume if I ever make a resume again.
Did y'all hear about Patti LaBelle losing it (allegedly) and cursing at a baby in the lobby of her apartment building? A mother let her baby walk around in Patti's presence and Patti yelled "What are you doing letting your kid run around like that?" and flicked water on the mother. Patti, let me say that I support you in this. I don't think people yell at babies enough. Babies are allowed to do whatever the hell they want and make offensive smells and drool drop Cheerios and cry in public and we're just supposed to accept that they're BABIES. Well, no more. I'm yelling "grow up you stupid baby!" at the next couple pushing a stroller down my street.
Do you think Ashton Kutcher will date Kim Kardashian now? I'm pulling for Demi and Justin Beiber.
I should probably make a Thanksgiving menu, right? I'm thinking pie.
Remember how last year I had my wisdom teeth pulled three days before Christmas and was in so much pain it got out of all family get-togethers? Any idea on what elective surgery I can have right before Christmas this year?
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