curse words and nicknames and terms of endearment

I enjoy a good curse word from time to time.  I tend not to pepper my everyday speech (okay, not every hour) with foul language because it loses effect and makes one sound like a sailor going around saying "I'd like a motherf*ckin' iced tea."  And so, years ago, probably around the time my first child was born, I started saying anti-curse words that are acceptable to say in any situation.  

My grandmother always said "she-I-T," saying the word she and spelling I and T.  When I was a kid and teenager, I found this hysterical, because everyone knew she cursing.  

 I like my anti-cursing better.  My super mega favorite phrase is "Flip Wilson," because it starts with F and has an impact and because it is out there, so if people overhear you, they're all "say what?" and you're all "you know, Flip Wilson" then they look at you at you like they've never heard anyone use a dead black comedian's name as an expletive before.  Some people.  Losers.  

Maybe it's because Flip Wilson was black.  If that's the case, then people are just damn racists and there is no room for that on my blog.  AND I WILL TURN THIS BLOG AROUND RIGHT NOW!  

Another great anti-curse word is "MaHAILia!"  You can also try "oh MaHAILia" or variations on that theme. 

The only other ant-curse phrase I use is "shut the front door" and I think we all know what that is the substitute for.  

I do know that when my children grow up they will tell people their mother used to yell deceased black performers names when I stubbed my toe or said "shut the front door!" on the phone with a friend and they'd look to see that the door was in fact closed.  They will be confused, but at least I'm not cursing like a sailor.  

My children also know that I have a thing for nicknames.  I think I get this from my grandmother too, who called me Puddin' Dumplin', which got shortened to Pud in later years.  I like to nickname people.  It's fun.  Try it.  The many nicknames for the munchkins are as follows: Puddin' Pop, Puddin' Pop America, and Snack Pack (which also has to do with pudding), as well as Muffinhead, Punkin' Muffin, and Snuggle Muffin.  I don't know where the pudding and muffin thing came from.  I don't even like pudding and muffins all that much.  Okay, I love a banana nut muffin, but I'm more of a loaf-bread person.  Give me a zucchini bread or a pumpkin bread any day of the week and I'm one happy redheaded chick.

I've had nicknames for the hubs, but they've never stuck.  His entire family calls him "Scotty," which I will say to get his attention, and only to get his attention, because hearing that is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I've tried  Scotch, Scooter, Fred Flinstone-head (have you seen his head?  totally Fred Flintstone!), but nothing sticks.  

Then there are my good friends.  Y'all have read about Frugal Beth.  The woman is frugal – even though I did witness her (gasp!) throw some paper bigger than a postage stamp away at ScrapFest.  I call my friend and bizness partner, Megan, Snack Shack and Lunchbox for absolutely no reason.  No idea where those names came from.  Jennifer is Jenny From the Block.  Kim has always been Country Kim.  Darla is Dar to me and she is one of the few people who calls me Ker.  Anna Bess is AB, but I'm sure I didn't give her that nickname.  

I've come up with many random nicknames for friends over the years, but my favorite multipurpose name is Honey Bunches of Oats, which I use as a term of endearment for people I really care about.  If I call you Honey Bunches of Oats, you are in my inner circle.  Some of you know this.  

Why Honey Bunches of Oats?  Because! it is only the best cereal of all time and I would only call my loved ones something based on something superfantastic. Duh.  I am not kidding when I tell you that when I first saw the commercial for Honey Bunches of Oats: Just Bunches, I said out loud, "this changes everything."  Yes, I am a little dramatic.  I'm not even a breakfast person, I just like Honey Bunches of Oats – With Almonds.  Yes, it has to be With Almonds or I don't want any part of it.  

What about my nicknames?  Well, I was Kerry B for a long time and I'm ReeRee to a few people and Aunt ReeRee to a couple of munchkins.  And I'm Mom.  And I think those are pretty cool.  Now, if I could only start getting the kids to start calling me Queen Mother.