Can we just talk for a minute? I've taken cough medicine and started this post. I am medicated and motivated, people. I am wired. But enough about me, let's move on to the me in my head.
Do you watch the Project Runway? Huh? Do ya? Well, ya should. Here's the rub: Michael Kors and Nina Garcia have been missing for weeks and I have missed the bitchy, sarcastic, snarky, bitchy, hysterical, ridiculous, bitchy judging styles of Michael Kors. He's like my fairy godfather of bitchy comments and I've missed him. He's like me, only male and gay — judgmental, with sarcasm and you know he says things out of love, like moi. He's like me, only orange.
The Kors and I have been BFFs in my mind since season one of PR. Here are his best quotes from the six previous seasons. Keep in mind — these quotes are about outfits, that's what makes The Kors hilarious.
It's a little like a woman going out to eat ribs.
It looks like toilet paper caught in a wind storm.
It's a little mother of the bride.
I thought it looked farty.
She looks like a paper brioche.
You're a mess just standing there.
If you didn't do that jacket in fleece I would have been like give me a Xanax, I'm asleep.
Nina Garcia: You went from a wedding to a funeral. Michael Kors: …Or a French maid at a funeral.
It's a little Shirley McClaine when she played a hooker with a heart of gold.
She needed a feather duster.
That was so Paris hooker 50's.
I think she looked like $29.99 prom.
AND my top 4 fave quotes:
Next thing you know, it's big button earrings and you're on 'The Facts of Life.'
Scarlett O'Hara ripped drapes down and made a couture dress…this, she ripped the sheets off the bed and ran out the door.
She looks like Barefoot Appalachain Lil' Abner Barbie.
I feel like a pope at a sex club.
Don't we all just feel like a pope at a sex club sometimes? That's what I like to call 1992-97. I'm telling you, I was/am the goody two shoes Adam Ant sang about.
Well, honeys, he's back. Here's the preview. And yes, he says "teal charmeuse disco pumpkin" which is now what I want to be for Halloween. Has anything more festive ever been said? Teal charmeuse disco pumpkin? Shut up.
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