in which I call fowl on “roostergate ’09”

So, a good friend of mine who shall remain nameless because there is a good chance once this gets out she'll be spending the rest of her life haunted by PETA, sends me this email after being kept awake very early in the morning by a neighbor's rooster:

You know I'm not getting enough sleep if I am googling "How can
you kill a rooster".  But guess what?  I'm not the only one with this
problem; there's a link called "How to kill your neighbor's rooster"
(score!) 

Here's the solution I like, and don't think I won't be calling
feed stores today looking for coyote urine.  (One day, one of you will
either: have to bail me out of jail or testify on my behalf or both!)
This is insane!

 

 

HydroHarold

04-01-2006, 01:24 AM

First you need an A#1 long range water pistol.
Second, some coyote pee (available at better sporting goods stores everywhere).
Third,
load the water pistol (with coyote pee) and shoot the area between you
and your "neighbor". Really give the area a hearty treatment.
Chanticlere's genetic memory will drive him to the farthest distance he
can get from that powful pee pheremone plus make him a neurotic wreck.

If this fails give him the "HydroHarold Silent Treatment",
a Wham-O Wrist Rocket slingshot propelled 1/4" steel ball bearing (also
available at better sporting goods stores everywhere)… Cruel and so
anti-PETA-istic but achieving effective permanance non the less.

No doubt I will be bailing her out of jail soon.  This afternoon, I get the following email from her:

So I called some local feed stores today, and guess what? Nobody
laughed or hung up on me! The first store is out of coyote urine (must
be a run on it these days).  Second store has both coyote and wolf
urine-this could get intereting. 

I feel a covert operation coming on….stay tuned!

No doubt there is a run on coyote urine these days with all the roosters in suburban unincorporated areas of town.  One never knows when one may need coyote urine, so I've always suggested keeping some on hand in case of emergency. 

Now, as you may know, I've never been one to turn down a covert operation, so I replied to my friend, telling her we need code names as well as face paint, perhaps really cute outifts, and walkie-talkies for this operation. 

Stay tuned indeed.