my breast friend

Once again, it's up to me to tell you about a product you didn't know you needed.  Watch the one-minute video, then we'll discuss.

Okay, first, the woman in the beginning looks uncomfortable because of the get-up she's sleeping in, not her boobs. 

Seriously.  I'm speaking only for myself, but damn, if your boobs are the reason for your insomnia, maybe you should read the news and you'll have a bigger reason to lie awake at night.  I'm just saying.  Now, I've had big boobs forever and never have I been trying to get to sleep and thought "if only I had some sort of plastic boob separator I could get some sleep!"  

Let's look at some of the FAQs from kushsupport.com.

Q. Is there an adjustment period for Kush?

A. Like knee pillows prescribed by orthopedic physicians and chiropractors,
there may be a brief period of adjustment for the first two or three nights.
However, most customers report being unaware that Kush is even there while
sleeping!

Q. How does Kush stay in place?

A. Kush offers a unique anatomically contoured design to fit comfortably between
the breasts. Made of a lightweight plastic that offers the firmness necessary
for breast support, the slip-resistant surface and contoured shape help keep
Kush in place as a woman rolls from one side to the other during sleep.

Q. Do I need to wear clothing with Kush?

A. No. You don't need to wear a bra, restrictive clothing or special garments.
You can sleep in nighties, T-shirts or in the nude, and Kush will stay in place
with its slip-resistant outer coating.

Q. Why is my Kush not staying in place?

A. We recommend that customers use Kush against clean, dry skin. The slip-resistant
quality of Kush can be negatively affected by nighttime perspiration associated
with menopause, or by perfumes, alcohol, oils, lotions or creams.

Really.  I don't see how I could be unaware of the Kush while I'm sleeping, but sweet mother of insomnia, thank goodness the Kush is slip-resistant and I can sleep in the nude with it.  I cannot sleep in the nude, I'm far too prudish for that.  Plus, if there was an emergency, like a fire — if you sleep in the nude you'd have to throw some clothes on to run outside.  At least I'd be on the lawn in my chemise waiting for the cute firemen to show up.  Back to the Kush.  It's slip-resistant is negatively affected by a few things, alcohol being one of them.  I'm confused.  Do they mean when you drink alcohol or if you pour a drink down your pajamas? 'cause I'm a klutz and am always spilling my booze at bedtime. 

The Kush comes in 3 different sizes and plenty of colors.  Now, I thought the colors were for various skintones, but then I noticed the blue, lilac, and green, so I assume they're making the Kush for aliens.  This, of course means aliens have boobs and now I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the Kush or by aliens with boobs.  I'm telling you, sometimes this blogging thing unearths some phobias I didn't know I had. 

The sizes are freaky too.  And they remind me of the little hand weights my mom used to have when she had the exercise mini-trampoline when I was kid, and since my boobs are weights themselves, I don't think they need competition.  Plus, according to the site, I'd need the large size and I fail to see how I wouldn't notice it while sleeping as the FAQs suggest. 

It's a weird and wacky world we live in, isn't it?  Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get my junk together for a little scrapbook trip to the swamp tomorrow.  Since I don't have a Kush, I guess I'll pack the cordless phone to put between my boobs.  I don't think that's big enough, maybe the dustbuster or a roll of paper towels.