Dear You Know Who You Are,
During my 5 hour drive on I-10 yesterday afternoon you made me glad for not being a gun owner. Yes, you in the gold Mazda sedan. I'm not prone to road rage, being that I am extremely easy going girl, but damn. It's a good thing I was only armed with my iPhone yesterday and not a weapon because I would have put a cap in your ass. You would have deserved it.
Let me explain something to you, Miss I Don't Know What Cruise Control Is. Normal people like to drive at one speed, being that there are these things called Speed Limits posted every so often along the interstate. I'm sure you're not aware of what Speed Limits are, being that you obviously received your driver's license from Ed's House of Driving and Bong Emporium, so I'll educate you on the subject.
Speed Limit signs tell you what speed you're supposed to go on a given road. That means you should make that speed a goal and stick with it. There's a dial on your dashboard called the Speedometer that shows you what speed you're going, you should consult that from time to time. There is also a wonderful magic button on your steering wheel called Cruise Control. Pressing this button makes your car travel at the same speed until you press the button again. You don't have to press the gas pedal or anything! Gnomes and fairies do it for you! Look into this. I speak for all of south Louisiana in saying you need to use Cruise Control or just stop driving. When the Speed Limit is 70, driving in a range from 65 to 85 is not acceptable. Seriously. There are other cars that have to drive behind you.
That brings me to another point you're painfully not aware of. You need to pick a lane and stay there. For the love of asphalt, I-10 is not the effing Indy 500 or the Kentucky freaking Derby. The left lane is for passing, or in my case trying to stay away from you. Weaving in and out of traffic and various speeds is not only annoying, it is dangerous. By the way, the bumpy area on the side of the interstate is called the shoulder, it's not a lane. But I'm not sure if you were aware of the bumpiness by the way you were chewing that wad of Bubbalicious. Again, not sure if you're aware, but other people can see you while you're driving. And I did think it quite humorous that you made your way to the exit touting "Acadiana's Best Boudin and Cracklins," but that's really neither here nor there.
Best of luck learning to drive properly,
Kerry
kerryfaler.blog 