Once again, CNN is trying to out do me in the advice department. I know, unbelievable. There is a reason people come to the Kerry Blog, not just for news, not just for a laugh from time to time, but for news and advice they can trust. Can you trust CNN? Sure, I'd put my trust in a guy named Wolf, wouldn't you? This afternoon on CNN.com I found a story on things you shouldn't share with co-workers. Here's the opening paragraph:
Do you know what TMI is? Chances are you're either guilty of it or have
been its victim. It stands for "too much information" and it's making
daily life awkward for people across the country.
Can you really be a victim of TMI? Can TMI kill you, break into your house and steal your valuables while you're away? CNN, we can agree to disagree. I've shared with you a few jobs I've held, so you know my work experience runs the gamut from Dillard's sales associate to preschool teacher to administrative assistant at a children's home. I've been fired a lot, so I consider myself an authority on this subject. So, the following is a 2 for 1 for your Monday. I'm leaving the CNN numbered things you shouldn't share, but as usual, rejecting their reality and substituing my own. Once again, the words following the colons are mine, not CNN's (got that lawyer boys? don't sue me).
Here are 13 things you shouldn't share while on the clock:
1. Medical history: Man, I could write about this one all day. I believe I was fired for this one a few times (I'm talking about you, MDA in an unnamed Georgia town). The best instance is when I was fired from the Christian correspondence school for being pregnant. I graded English essays. Do you have any idea how much red ink I used in grading essays for a correspondence school? A lot. Anydropout, they fired me when I told them I couldn't drive in one morning because I was dizzy. Jerks. My advice, don't tell your employer your pregnant until you're at least 8 1/2 months along. I don't care if he can see the baby kick from across the room. I don't care if you can't reach your desk because your belly's in the way. Sharing medical information is a bad idea.
2. Confidential work information: Yeah, that's not a good idea. At the preschool where I worked I was up for a promotion, but this hussy told our director I didn't like the class I was supposed to be promoted to. I pity the fool who rats out a co-worker. By the way, I didn't say I didn't like the 3 year-olds. I like 3 year-olds. I used to be one.
3. Plans to quit: Unless you're an idiot you wouldn't tell anyone at your work that you're planning on quitting. Don't be an idiot.
4. Online venting sites: If you blog about your job, blog anonymously. Don't dog out your boss on Facebook if your boss is one of your friends. Use the common sense God gave you. Unfortunately, some people weren't in the common sense line when God was handing sense out. If you are one of these people, you should probably work alone. I suggest being a Causeway toll booth operator or maybe work from home stuffing envelopes, and there is always bee-keeping.
5. Matters of the heart: This is the issue that most annoyed me when I had a real job. Usually I love a good love story, but not about co-workers. I worked in Norcross, GA in an office full of individuals who were not the sharpest thumbtacks in the bulletin board and they gabbed about everything inappropriate you could imagine. I really didn't care to hear that the geekiest dude in the office and his wife were swingers. Ew. Just — ew. Once my boss came back to the office in tears after having lunch with her boyfriend. I was nominated by my co-workers to comfort her. She literally cried on my shoulder. I believe I said "there, there" and patted her back. Uncomfortable much? True story.
6. Politics: Do not talk politics in the office — unless someone mentions they have received their free unicorn from Obama and you have not. In that case, feel free. And call me, I'd like to get in on that action.
7. Salary information: No one wants to hear that they make less moo-lah than you. Don't be braggin' — that's what starts East Coast-West Coast office wars.
8. Religion: It's not a good idea to spread your religion in the workplace. Even if everyone in your office is going to hell.
9. Your privileged life: Here's another true story: my co-worker from the office in Norcross showed up one day in her brand new baby blue Porche Boxster her daddy bought her day before. No one liked her in the office after she told us about "Daddy" (I never figured out if she was talking her actual father or a sugar daddy. Funny, I never thought to ask).
10. Therapy sessions: Dang. Unless you work for your therapist, it's probably a good idea to keep your visits to the shrink on the down-low. In some circles therapy is still taboo, and you never know, they might think you're at risk for going postal at your job.
11. The Rubik's Cube that is your personal life: Trust me when I tell you this: no one wants to hear about your 3 baby daddies, your current flame, and the child-support check you still haven't gotten because baby daddy #1 got picked up for possession, #2 was with the dealer, and #3 is getting a sex change in Amsterdam. Keep that on the down-low for sure. You don't want people thinking you're a Lifetime movie waiting to happen.
12. Gossip: I'm not a big gossip, so I wouldn't know anything on this subject. Let's just say if someone has said "don't tell anyone" then maybe you should keep it to yourself. If they say "whatever you do, don't tell _________" then you really shouldn't go blabbing their business all over the office. I don't care if they told you they were Barbara Streisand and George Bush's love child, don't say a word. Don't call the newspaper, don't tell the parking lot attendant who only speaks Spanish. He says he only speaks Spanish, but that's only so people will tell him the good gossip so he can write a telenovela when he goes back to his native country.
13. Your Chris Rock routine: It was funny on The Office because it's a TV show. In real life, not so much. There is a reason you work where you work, you are not Chris Rock. Also, not a bright idea to use that kind of language at work. Unless you work with deaf-mutes, maybe you could get away with it. But no, generally not a good idea to do your Chris Rock (or George Carlin) routines for your co-workers.
CNN, I'm not waiting for the phone to ring. I've got a good gig right here, baby. Unless you think Anderson Cooper could use a cute redhead correspondent. Did I say correspondent? I meant co-anchor. Except when he goes to the jungle and the desert — I'll call in sick on those days. Call me.
kerryfaler.blog 