Being that I have a bunch of gifts to wrap, laundry to fold, piles of magazines and kids' school papers to go through, not to mention I think I'm getting bronchitis — I didn't think I'd post until tonight, but then I saw this on the-coveted.com.
This is beyond wrong. Everyone knows I hate birds. I like them when they're flying around, not bothering anyone, but no — they have to attack people and try to kill them. Have you seen Hitchcock's The Birds? Scariest freakin' movie I've ever seen. The damn birds are everywhere! It's pretty much my nightmare since that day in 1994 when the parrot attacked me at the Audubon Aquarium of the Americas. I was not injured by the bird only because I was able to get away thanks to my cat-like reflexes. For a chubby girl, I can run when faced with a big blue pterodactyl. Damn giant blue parrot. Scott said it was a Maccaw, I prefer to think of it as a giant blue instrument of death.
If I opened this on Christmas morning I would no doubt go into cardiac arrest. I'm sure seeing that Barbie under my tree would put me in the hospital. It could only be worse if those were owls. What the hell is Mattel thinking? Are there no other Barbies left in the world to make? What's next — Carrie from the Stephen King movie? Have they made the Aretha Franklin Barbie? Yoko Ono Barbie? How about a First Lady series? I suggest starting with Dolly Madison. Surely there are other Barbies out there to make. I'm not an anti-Barbie feminist. I love Barbie. Sure, she could stand to eat a sandwich, but I have nothing against her. I just don't want to see her being pecked to death by birds.
Here's the blurb about it from BarbieCollector.com: In 1963, Alfred Hitchcock,
the Master of Suspense, gave us a tale of terror not soon forgotten in
his film “The Birds.” Dressed in a re-creation of the stylish green
skirt-suit worn by the film’s ill-fated heroine in an iconic scene, Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds”
Barbie® Doll celebrates the 45th anniversary of the acclaimed film.
From the doll’s classic ensemble to the perfectly painted expression to
the accompanying black birds, every aspect captures the film’s infamous
appeal.
Seriously? Her perfectly painted expression of utter fear for her life! I give up, Mattel. Here's an idea: the Kerry Barbie — In 2008, Kerry Faler, the Mistress of the Mundane, gave us a blog soon not to be forgotten for its near-humor and paranoid ramblings. Dressed in a pink ScrapFest! t-shirt and black yoga pants worn by her while writing the blog, the "Kerry Faler" Doll celebrates the life of the 34 year-old acclaimed mom. From the doll's comfy ensemble to the perfectly painted WTF expression to the accompanying MP3 of "Black Bird," every aspect captures Kerry's moderate appeal. You should know the Kerry doll cannot wear Barbie's clothes as the Kerry doll is not a stick and most likely would not play nice with Barbie.
No one better get me that scary doll from The Birds. Unless you want me to come to your house and beat you down, don't even think about it.
kerryfaler.blog 