when you care enough to send the bitterest

It's almost that time again.  Christmas card time. 

You know what that means, you'll get your first card in the mail on December 1st from that overzealous friend or relative and you feel guilty that you haven't even thought about Christmas cards yet.   Then the cards start to trickle in, then one day you get 10 of them in the mailbox and you look at the calendar and think, "if I send cards today people will get them in time."  But you forget about it because you get caught up reading the cards you've received.  The cards, photo cards, and holiday family newsletters are too much.  I sent photo cards last year, but this year I've found the best Christmas cards in the history of ever. 

A while back I posted some things by Anne Taintor, she creates "vintage revisited" products that are witty and just snarky enough to please me.  I've always had a love-hate relationship with Christmas cards.  Each Christmas I remember when I read Less Than Zero for the first time and how I loved the Christmas party invitation Clay receives at the beginning of the novel.  Not that I would ever send a card as tacky as F*** Christmas, and the rest of it — but I appreciate the humor of it.  Every year I try my best to find the perfect card and sadly, I'm never satisfied with the ones I send.  Anne Taintor apparently had the same problem, because her cards are the ones I'd write if I had a card company. 

Who wouldn't love to get this?   "So much depended on how one defined
'naughty'."  That's awesome.  You know you'd like to send that card to someone.  You know you do.  You're thinking of that person right now, aren't you?  I thought so.  I love the images on the cards.  All of them are from vintage ads and the women are real people.  On Taintor's site she catches up with some of the ladies dubbed the "Taintorettes" and you get to see what they're up to now.  Very cute. 

This one is great.  "'gay apparel' was putting it mildly."  Nothing quite says holiday like emasculating Christmas cards.  I love that Taintor brings up the Christmas song that everyone giggles on the inside about just a little bit when you hear it.  Times have changed, can we think of something else besides "don we now our gay apparel?"  Really, come on.

Ever wonder what sort of card to send your couple friends of mixed faiths?  Do you send a Christmas card and a Chanukah card?  Do you choose which one to go with?  That's a pain.  In that case I always feel it's best to address the obvious and go with a card like this.  "Now was probably not the best time to tell the kids they were Jewish."  Perfect.  Now if there was matching wrapping paper, you'd be set. 

While you're at it you might as well be honest and say how you really feel.  Honesty is the best policy, I always say.  That's how I live my life.  Why be any different at the holidays?  Christmas can be a difficult time for family gatherings, I know I've had my share of awkward situations and such, who hasn't?  And being the honest person I am, it can make for unwanted and unpleasant conversations — but that's where medication comes into play. 
Everyone knows I'm medicated, for a while it was on the down-low, but I was outed, so hell, why not put it out there in card from and tell everyone how I feel about the holidays.  "Fortunately, she had remembered to stock up on Prozac before going home for the holidays."  I couldn't have said it better myself, well, unless I named my actual meds!  If you send this card, chances are your family knows you have to be on something to spend the holidays with them.  Heck, I have to be on something to spend time by myself, let alone other people. 

I'm keeping the card I ordered for close friends under wraps, not gonna spoil the surprise, not even for the blog.  It was hard to pick between all the superfantastic cards.  I did like this one a lot, but I chose a different sentiment.  I can't wait to send it.  I spent a long time on the Anne Taintor site, shopped for Christmas pressies for my girlfriends and got a notepad for myself.  My notepad says "old enough to know better…too young to give a rat's ass."  Too bad that's not a Christmas card. 

I so need my own card line.  You listening Hallmark?  I'm a hard worker, well, when I want to work anyway.  I don't work in the rain.  Or early mornings.  Or when I just don't feel like it.  But I'd be a great card writer.  I can illustrate as well.  So, give me call if you need a new card line, just don't call to early, I like to sleep in.  And I prefer to work at home, in my pajamas.  Don't judge.