sleepless in south la

I am watching Ryan Adams on Letterman.  I had no intention of being up remotely late tonight, seeing as how I haven’t slept well this week.  All three munchkins were asleep by 8:30, I told Scott I was going to bed early, everything was going well.  I got comfy, started watching House I’d recorded on the DVR and then it started.

There is a bird or something in the attic.  Scott says he thinks it’s a bird.  If you’ve been reading my blog for long, you know I do not like birds.  Birds and I have not gotten along since that ginormous blue parrot flew at my head at the New Olreans Aquarium in ’96.  A  bird pooped on my jacket in front of Aswell dorm at LA Tech — I don’t think I’ve spoken of that since the day of that unpleasantness.  I mean, when you’re talking with someone and a bird poops on you, how do you continue the conversation?  I can’t remember who I was talking to, but I’m pretty sure I just walked away.  Thank the Lord for free counseling in college.  Then there was the incident in Brunswick, GA when the seagull flew in my car at the gas station.

I can’t sleep.  I just know the damn bird is going to come flying in through the air vent or something.  Trust me, if it could happen, it’s going to happen to me.  I’m a bird magnet.  Really, if a bird flies in here, it’s all over, I’m going to have to move.  I had to trade in the Toyota when the bird flew in it in Georgia.  Once, in Macon, when we lived on the golf course, a chipmunk ran in the house when we opened the door on the way out for church.  It wasn’t that bad.  Yeah, I freaked out a little and threw my arms up in the air while Scott got the chipmunk out, but it wasn’t like a bird.  Birds fly.  I just don’t trust that.  The only thing worse than that would be if a flying squirrel got in the house.  I just heard the bird again.  Great.  I might have to call 911.  Or the Audubon Society.  You know the Audubon people just invented a cat that glows green under a black light.  Only in New Orleans, people.  Maybe they’ll bring the glow-in-the-dark cat to ge the bird.  Here’s the cat in case you haven’t seen it.