Oh, how I loathe you, school fundraiser

I really can’t stand the school fundraiser.  Yes, I think giving money to the school is fantastic.  Yes, we should support the public schools, but do we really have to beg our friends and relatives to buy junk out of a catlog they really don’t need?  No.  Can we think of a better way to raise money for the schools?  I like the whole rounding up to the nearest dollar Pet Smart and other stores do for different charities and Target gives to the school you select, so I know we can do better.

Here are some of the items in the catalog I will be sending to friends and family this Christmas we have to choose from :

I give you the beach chair votive holder.  I guess if you got a horribly bad sunburn on your last beach vacay, you may want to remember it by having this lovely burning reminder of your trip.  If it wasn’t such a great beach vacay due to family members, get this votive as a reminder of what a pain in the ass they were.

Next is a product perfect for the outdoorsman out there who may be watching his waistline.  It’s the bear claw salad forks.  I’m picturing a big-game hunter, just in from a big day (or night) in the woods, kicks off his boots, pulls a couple of burrs out of his beard and is hungry.  He goes to the fridge, reaches past the leftover lasagna, past the Popeye’s spicy, and grabs the micro-greens salad he picked up at Whole Foods.  He sprinkles on some fresh blueberries, walnuts, squeezes on some lemon juice and some EVOO, adds a little freshly ground pepper and sea salt and busts out the bear claw salad forks to toss the salad.  Has a glass of boxed wine, turns on the tv to catch a cable presentation of Pride and Prejudice.  Ain’t nothin’ like watching Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy after putting a cap in Bambi’s mom’s ass. 

I know, you’re thinking “ReeRee, I’ve got salad forks.  You know what I could use?  Something to help me in the mornings; I never have time for breakfast.”  Well, I’ve got you covered as usual on the Kerry blog!  If you’re a good boy or girl this year, maybe Santa Kerry will put a cereal-on-the-go in your stocking. 

I skip breakfast almost everyday.  Never have I been on the way out the door to take Andrew to MDO and thought, “if only I had a way to transport my Honey Bunches of Oats without it getting soggy in milk!”  Ok, so I’ve never thought that, but now I can have my cereal in car line, complete with a spoon.  Now that’s an invention.  Kind of reminds me of the McDLT.

Reading is one of my passions and I’ll read anything, books, cereal box, instruction manual, encyclopedias, but I really love magazines.  At one time I believe I had 7 magazine subscriptions and presently I get 2 for free and I don’t know why — for realz.  Anywhoodle, never even at the doctor’s office have I seen magazines like my girls’ school fundraiser is offering. Never at the OBGYN or the dentist’s office, or even the questionable nail salon, for crying outloud!

Love dogs?  Here’s BARK!  I’m not sure if this is for the owner or the dog. That dog at the top looks a little too happy, I’m pretty sure it’s a puppet.  OMG, I just noticed it says “dog is my co-pilot” underneath the masthead.  Holy mother of Dog!  OK, this is just ridiculous.

Now, I’m not as up on American History as my husband due to various reasons.  I once had a professor who passed out drunk in American History 101, so you can’t exactly blame me for my ignorance.  I’m no Civil War buff, but I have watched a lot of the History Channel and I believe the war between the states is over, so I was puzzled when I saw this magazine.

Really?  Don’t you just buy books to read about the Civil War?  I think I’m getting Scott this for Chrismas.

Southern Living is one of the mags I get for free.  Again, not sure why I get it for free, guess I’m so southern and alive they just have to give it to me.  When I went to the fundraiser catalog’s website I was blown away at how many different regions have their own magazine.  There’s LA, New York, the northeast, Dallas, Atlanta — I understood all those.  Makes sense.  I know when we lived in Duluth I picked up the Atlanta magazine more than once, but I never saw this one at the newstand.

Yep, it’s Trailer Life.  And if you’re wondering if you’re on my Christmas list, well, don’t be surprised to see this in your mailbox along with Cat Fancy, Timber Home LIving, Truckin, Urban Climber, Teen Strings, Coin World, and Gun Dog.  There’s also Garden & Gun, you know for the gardening hunter or gangsta who likes keepin’ his crib lookin’ mean ‘n green. I bet a certain VP candidate gets Garden & Gun!