Are you there God? It’s me, Kerry

Almost every morning I check email, look at Facebook, and read news from everywhere while the kids are having breakfast and I’m having my two cups of coffee.  I’m  news junkie, have been since I was in middle school.  I’m a geek, I know.  I’m a big documentary fan, love PBS Fontline, and have a crush on Anderson Cooper (I know).   In my morning reading, I think I discovered something I find disturbing and you may, too.

It’s Jesus.  Seems the Son of God is all over the place lately.  Here’s a little background info on me, in case you haven’t known me since birth.  I grew up Church of God, but all that meant to me is that I was a Christian and that seemed like a good thing to be.  I accepted Christ, it was all good, but I didn’t do youth group or anything; my parents weren’t big church-goers, no big deal.   I grew up, had friends of different faiths, boyfriends of different faiths, discussed religion with people all the time.  I met my hubs, Scott, in December of my freshman year at LA Tech and he dragged me to Campus Crusade, and church, the whole nine yards.  So, for those of you keeping score at home, I’m a Christian girl, now active in MOPS, love my FBC Covington, all that (I don’t listen to Christian rock, but that’s a whole ‘nother blog).  Good stuff, yea me.

So here’s my problem.  Jesus is popping up all over the place.  You know what I’m talking about — his image.  Now, I may get in trouble for this one, too, but call me crazy (wouldn’t be the first time), but seems my man, JC, wouldn’t choose to appear to the masses in say, a Cheeto.

Friends and peeps, I give you Cheeto Jesus.  Some woman in Missouri found what she believes to be the representation of our Lord and Savior in crispy cheesy goodness.  Cheesus, you might say.  This would be the crucifixion image, of course, which is the most popular Jesus sighting, next to the Shroud of Turin Jesus.

Now, I love Jesus.  I sing his praises, read books about him, think about what he would do in situations, but I have never seen him in a bag of snacks.  I’m not one for salty snacks anyway, so I guess I should say I’ve never seen Him on an M&M or Almond Joy, or plate of cheese enchiladas even (no matter how cheesy).  Dang, now I’m hungry.

Oh, you say, “Kerry, that’s just plain silly, of course Jesus wouldn’t appear in Cheeto form!”  Well, would you believe He’s chosen to appear again — in the fur of a kitty?  Well, CNN says maybe so.  They put kitty Jesus on their website this morning, you can watch it below.

What?  The kitty Shroud of Turin Jesus?  It must be a sign of the Apocalypse.  Forget Y2K people, it’s Kitty Jesus.  I can’t believe they named the kitty Sissy.  So when they call her she can say, “who you callin’ Sissy, I’m Jesus!”

Don’t like Kitty Jesus?  I’ve had 3 cats, none with Jesus fur, but hey, you can’t have everything.  My cats were cool, 2 of them I taught to fetch.  Maybe you’re not a cat person.  Maybe you’re a fish person.  Nothing wrong with that.  There’s always Catfish Jesus.

I found this lovely Catfish Crucifixion Jesus on a popular online auction site that may or may not rhyme with beGay.  Someone wants money for this treasure.  Here’s his (or her) description:

“You decide.  Possessing one is fabled to bring luck and protection for whomever has it.   All I can say is Mine has.  This is NOT MY Personal one – I would never part with that one.  I had mine during my 30 month and still ongoing recovery from a serious paralyzing spinal injury the results of which which the doctors are calling “Miraculous” I will send the moving story of that to any buyer who requests it.  I also survived Hurricane Charley and Wilma And I win a lot @ Bingo.  I CAN NOT / DO NOT claim this unusual item had anything to do with these events BUT I used everything I knew of that might help.”

I didn’t change a word of that listing.  I didn’t have to, it’s wacko all on it’s own.  I love how he says he wins a lot at bingo.  ‘Cause Jesus loves gambling!  At least that guy’s Jesus does.  Anyone ever think that maybe a catfish’s skeleton just looks like that?  Maybe it’s just me.

If any of y’all bid on that I’ll take you out for an all-you-can-eat catfish dinner.  I hear there’s a good place not far from me.  Bet they have sweet tea.  I hope they have hushpuppies.  Mmmm…hushpuppies.