Breaking News

Seriously, yo.  A woman is suing Victoria’s Secret (or Vicki’s Secrets as I call it) because her THONG injured her cornea!  Really.  Here’s the video.  Go ahead, watch.  I’ll wait.  Ok, did you watch it?  How crazy is that?  The decorative thingie on her thong popped off when she was gonna get her groove on and smacked her in the eye, so she wants Vicki’s Secrets to pay.  I am so suing Lane Bryant for when the button popped off my black gauchos ’cause I ate too many almond M&Ms and then I pricked my finger with a needle trying to sew the damn button back on.  My finger bled.  I’m scarred for life.  WE ARE LIVING IN THE END TIMES!  I’m pretty sure somewhere in Revelation it says something about the horsemen of the apocalypse and unnecessary lawsuits over underwear.